Thursday, July 17, 2008

Letters To All The Jerks I Encountered Today

Dear Ugly Old Lady with a Bad Perm* at the Baby Gap,

Thank you for your snide comment about my baby to the check-out lady. I'm sure you wanted me to hear you, since you were standing RIGHT NEXT TO ME! I totally heard your sarcastic remark "My! There's an awful lot of screaming in here today." Oh, and Gap check-out lady--I also heard you agree with her.

Yes, my baby was getting sick of sitting in the stroller and she started--JUST started--whining. Did you notice that I immediately picked her up so as not to bother you or anyone else in the store? Did you see how I juggled holding her while writing a check at the same time to save you from hearing any unnecessary whining? But you had to make your nasty comment anyway didn't you?

Maybe you didn't notice my other four, very well-behaved children who were standing there quietly even though they were bored from shopping. I don't remember you saying anything nice about them. Maybe you're related to the people that I used to run into before I had a girl--when it was me and four boys. "Oh no!" your relations would say right in front of them. "You poor thing! FOUR boys!?! How do you do it?" I'm sure that made them feel really good!

So, thanks again, bitter old lady--I would have preferred if you'd just made your ugly remark directly to me instead of the passive-aggressive route you chose. And, just so you know, I was this/close to saying something rude back to you, but I decided to take the high road.

Oh, and, the dyed-black hair and tight perm isn't working for you.

Sincerely,

Jennifer

Dear Apathetic Teen Check-Out Boy at the Grocery Store,

Hi! I said, HI! Maybe you didn't hear me? But I think you did and you chose not to say hi back. Instead, you just robotically scanned the groceries with that dead-pan look on your face.

I know you wish you were hanging out with your friends and playing World of Warcraft or Halo III instead of scanning my bananas--but would it kill you to say hi? Or thank you? Or have a nice day? I think maybe you grunted when you handed me the receipt--but I'm going to need a little more in the pleasantry department the next time I stop in.

Kthnxbai,

Jennifer

Dear Jamie-Lynn Spears (and Your Mother),

I noticed the picture of you and your new baby on the cover of OK Magazine as I was standing in line at the store being ignored by the Apathetic Teen Check-out Boy.

So your baby is, what, about 3 weeks old? And, let me make sure I saw the quote correctly--it was right there on the cover-- "Being a mom is the best feeling in the world!" Wow! That's a great message to send to all the troubled teens of the world! Way to go Jamie-Lynn and Mom! Good job glamorizing teen pregnancy! I hope all the millions OK Magazine paid you was worth it.

Some other great quotes from you: "I had a perfect pregnancy and a perfect delivery" and "Being a mom is so much fun!" You're a great role model J-L!

xoxo

Jennifer

Dear Person Who Spit Gum Right Outside the Door of Panera Bread,

Hey--I stepped in your gum! Maybe you didn't notice the garbage can a couple feet from the door? I guess it was just easier to let the gum fall from your mouth as you walked through the door? Thanks for ruining my super-cool Rocket Dog shoes--but that's ok, I know it would have been a real pain to step over to the garbage can. Or use a napkin inside Panera Bread. Whatever's easier for you!

It's just a shot in the dark--but were you by any chance going to Panera to meet Selfish Woman Who Was Done Eating But Still Taking Up A Table While She Worked On Her Laptop? I noticed her when I was waiting with my five kids and there were no available tables.

Hope you guys had a great lunch!

Jennifer

*I realize this term is redundant
Photobucket

96 comments:

Anonymous said...

Jenny...you might need a vacation. If it's any comfort to you, my three behaved like total monsters at the eye doctor yesterday. I'm just grateful the lady with the bad perm wasn't there to cut me down!

Lori said...

Sometimes you really have to take a deep breath, don't you? I say drown your sorrows in a few pounds of bacon with Pickle.

Ronda's Rants said...

You are now my new favorite person!
I am so very sorry that you ran into that many jerks in one day.
I need a vacation,to. Apparently, so do a lot of people.

leezee52 said...

People can be soooo RUDE!

Kendrawolf said...

It is definitely better to vent here than in real life. Vent all you want!

noble pig said...

I am sorry for all the crap you encountered but I couldn't agree with you more amout Jamie...when I saw her quotes on the mag I almost barfed! Who the hell is she kidding and what is she teaching young girls.

Therese said...

I just had the time of my life in Walmart today with my 3 boys...glad I wasn't treated to a comment like you were. I might have yelled or I might have cried...It's been that kind of day...

Karyn said...

What a day! At least you have a wonderful sense of humor.

Elizabeth said...

I found your blog through Ronda's Rants, and I sure am glad I did! You crack me up! Maybe that old lady could have helped you by entertaining the little girl while you wrote the check. Was she ever a mother? I'm not, but that's what I usually do.

Lane Boyz Mom said...

OMG I'm thinking some days it might be good to do this too! I bet it helped you get it all out, LOL

Rhonda said...

Okay. That settles it. You're awesome! lol

Marcy - The Glamorous Life! said...

Do you feel better now? Now breathe...just breathe...thats it...

:)

Kelly said...

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! I have run into all of the people above and feel the same way about J-L (thanks for making me have to address the baby issue with my 9 year old!)Your words are Golden!!!

April said...

Ummm, you're awesome...

Personally, I would like to write a letter to the guy who came to unlock my keys out of my car.

Dear Locksmith guy,

It was great and all that you were kind enough to unlock my car due to my consistent lack of organization. But it would have been better if you had actually done it correctly, and allowed my door to re-open after you fiddled with it. Now my rear door is permanently locked thanks to you.

cat said...

Hm, don't we all feel like this sometimes. I hate it when people get irritated in shops with moms and niggly kids. That's why, the other day when I was trying to shop at the Woollies sale with niggly twins and a 3 year old, I really appreciated the lady who walked over and said, "Do not stress, all of us shopping here in the kids department know this feeling. Can I hold your shopping for you while you console your baby?" To that girl - you rock! I will pay that one forward.Love the post.

WheresMyAngels said...

I apologize for saying "poor you" in regard to your 4 boys. Don't feel singled out, as I also say it to those with only one ;)

Dee from Downunder said...

I love these! the teenage boy thing reminds me of a time a girl came into our office, and mumbled something at my co-worker, staring at the desk all the while. My co-worker actually leaned down to the desk and turned her head to looked up at the girls eyes and said "pardon?" it was so funny.

KiKi said...

This post is brilliance!

Jamie said...

Great post and happy "FB" day on SITS! :)

April said...

Very funny post!!! Thanks for sharing!

Blessings Abound said...

Don't we all have those moments?!:)

ugagirl30 said...

Sounds like you had a great day! My goodness.

Creative Junkie said...

You sound like me five out seven days of the week, depending on whether my husband snored all night and I got any sleep.

And what kind of miscreant would desecrate a Panera like that?

Givinya De Elba said...

Love it!

Yaya said...

Hehehe...this post is awesome! I love it!!!

Abounader Photography said...

Great post! Next time, I think you should say all of it out loud to those that are deserving :-)

Megryansmom said...

Good Morning and congrats on being chosen SITSa of the day. I have one more letter to add to your collection.

Dear Skanky White Trash Bimbo at the pizza place,

I'm so sorry you had to put up with my lack of knowledge about your menu, being as I've never been here before. The tone of your voice clearly showed how put out you were by my very presence.
I understand how difficult it is for you to juggle your demanding job, but replacement teeth are expensive and I'm sure that must be what you're saving up for. Next time I'll try to prepare for my order a little better, oh wait, there won't be a next time!

Have a nice day!

Oh and the pizza wasn't even all that.

HeatherY said...

Why is it that old ladies like to give you dirty looks when your kid gets a little whiney? Love this post!

Mimi said...

OK, you're LOL funny! Your getting added to the blogs I follow, so there!

Shannon said...

Awesome. Maybe just whip out a copy of these letters when needed, cuz apparently there are a lot of a-holes out there! I had a gum incident, too, at the bank once.

Heather said...

Oh, what a perfect way to express all the things we wish we could say. Love it!

Preston said...

You're a better person than I am cause I would have told that woman that my kid eventually stops screaming but you're stuck with that awful hair forever. And the next time the kid doesn't respond when you say hello, do what I do, Keep Saying Hello until they respond. That usually gets a hello and an apology. I won't tell you what happens if it gets a snide remark instead because it's just too ugly...
Congrats on you SITS day!

ScrappinAway said...

oh my I hope all those things really didn't happen in one day! If it did, I hope you got a nice relaxing bubble bath that night!

jubilee said...

Some days my mantra becomes, "Just breathe . . . slowly . . ."

Know just watcha mean.

Heather said...

Aw man! Why'd'ja have to go and post something hilarious and witty like this? 'Cause now I am going to have to add you to my blogstalking list, and that is going to mean THAT much more time that won't get spent on things like housework or working out. Nope, I'll be sitting here in my jammies, all out of shape, giggling fiendishly at your blog - until the dust bunny army gangs up and overtakes me, that is....

Cheers!

Melodie said...

Some people are so rude! Whatever happened to manners?

I think if I had been in your situation with the nasty old woman, I would have said to my daughter, loudly enough for the old woman to hear, "Sweetie, I hope you never grow up to be a rude old woman with an ugly perm and bad attitude."

Anna Lefler said...

Awesome! Makes you wish you could write it right on their forehead with a Sharpie, doesn't it?

Have a fantastic SITS day - love your blog!

:^) Anna

Wendy said...

Funny. I just have to mention I am the girl with four older brothers. I always find it weird when I hear about others with that family makeup. People have made comments about it my whole life.

Noah's Mommy said...

I always think people should put these types of letters as a full size ad in the local paper....hopefully it would bring some sense of awareness...but I highly doubt i....

spleeness said...

I absolutely LOVED this. I'm subscribing now. You are hilarious! Reminds me of Craigslist rants (best of), they always crack me up. I posted some letters on my site too. More rants please!

Jaden Paige said...

I loved this post!

What a jerk that old lady was. I probably wouldn't have been as good as you and taken the high road. I might have needed to say something about how much bad hair and/or rude old lady was in there today.

:P

TattooedMinivanMom said...

No kidding! and Amen! There are some really selfish, self involoved, the-world-revolves-around-me people out there and they suck!

A very cute way to vent your frustrations BTW.

Mrs. S said...

Do you live in my town? Probably not because we don't have Panera Bread. BUT we do have that SAME check-out guy at our local Sunmart. He is usually associated with the SAME apathetic check-out girl.


Dont' they teach them to say "Did you find everything you need?" "Hello, how are you?" or "Have a great day, thanks for shopping at Sunmart so I don't lose my job."

Vickie said...

People can be so mean!!! I have old mean ladies come up to my face, just basically telling me I am a bad mom. Hello!!! My baby has colic, get off my back!! The snide remarks are actually worst-it hurts. I have to shut my mouth so I don't embarrass my kids. I notice you have said Pickles has an obsession with bacon. I call my little one, Sodium Nitrate Girl. ALl she eats is bacon, ham, salami, and chicken nuggets.

You have got me rantin' now.

Happy SISTS Day!!

Aleta said...

We should have Halmark cards for these occassions and have them handy in our purses so we can get the message out without having to spend a word on these jerks! Great post - thanks for the smiles!

Rhea said...

Oh, these letters are great. Nicely done. :o)

KC Mom said...

Ha! You should pre-print these on cards that we can leave at these locations.

Sera said...

Ok, you've got me laughing outloud here. Hilarious.

Michelle said...

Ahhh, always so cathartic. Even when I'm just reading them and not experiencing them directly. I will say though that I'm almost a bit more creeped out by the grocery store people by me who look at my receipt and thank me by name. But yeah... I need the hi. Some acknowledgement that you're human.

Queen of Feisty said...

Oh you are so much better then I would be! I have a boy and a girl, and when I hear the remarks I SO ask

"I'm sorry did you say something? I would have sworn you just shit talked me and my kids, and you have no idea who I am or what kind of day we have had. But I am sure your tight ass perm is cutting off all brain supply, that or the bad dye has seeped into your brains. So if you need to bitch about me and my kids, say it to me"

Then I get the "your a crazy woman" stares from tight perm and cashier, but well I feel better and isn't that all that matters?

Congrats on your SITS day!

Aubrey said...

LOL
Those were some great letters. I can't stop laughing!
BTW, you are much better (and bigger) person that I would have been. My mouth wouldn't have stayed shut and that lady with the bad perm would have heard it!

Paige said...

hmm..I think I like this approach, I shall henceforth commence drafting letters to people who need their ass kicked. It is bound to help with my blood pressure

Good work!

Auds at Barking Mad! said...

If you're available, I have a "Oblivious meter reader", "Manic Mail Carrier" and "Nosey Neighbour" that I could use some letters for!

*lol*

Great post. Linked from SITS. Am really enjoying your site. Will be back for sure!

Annikke said...

Amen Sistah! (Or should I say SITS-tah)

Lynette said...

Sounds like you go to MY grocery store. If you'd like to write a letter to a-hole to parks sideways in the parking lot, I'd be ever so grateful. Thanks

Brandy said...

HAHAHAHA. Best. Post. Ever.

Katie said...

You are my new BFF. I might carry these around so I can read them to people that make me mad! HA! You made me laugh!

Jacie said...

The world is full of jerks. I guess venting about them is all we can do cause they sure don't seem to be getting any better. I'm like you though, I just try hard to take the high road, especially when my kids are with me.
Happy SITs Day!

Astrid said...

I LOVE your letters. Maybe I'd feel better if I wrote a few myself.
Brilliant post!

The Boss Lady said...

First off...I love Rocket Dogs. They're my favs. And you're a better woman than I...the minute I hear an under the breath, passive aggressive comment like that about my kids, I'm in someone's face. And possibly getting arrested. :)

Spoiled Mommy said...

What a good way to get all those irritating moments out! I love it!!
Way to go!

Blue Castle said...

Wow, that's a lot of crabby, self-centered people. Love your sense of humor. :)

Momma Drama said...

Those letters were awesome. My 13 month old daughter likes to pull her shoes and socks off and people at the store always say to her in a passive aggressive voice, "Why don't your mommy and daddy put socks on you? Your feet are going to get cold." Some people are so dumb.

Reluctant Housewife said...

I've had days like that, too.

Tabitha Blue said...

Very well said. I think I've met those same people!! Although, I don't think I've ever put quite like you :)

MC said...

That's a lot of postage. :)

I'm glad I'm not the only one who gets slightly miffed when people aren't at least a little friendly at checkout counters. I know being a cashier sucks big ones (I was one) but if you smile, things are a little easier. Liven up a little

Ashley. Unscripted... said...

I love it.

Hope you have a happy SITS day!!

Angela said...

Hi! Just stopping by from SITS! I am so happy that they chose to feature your blog today because it is totally cute and you are a fantastic writer! I love posts like these -- open ended letters. It's funny, too, because I also just wrote a post about Panera today. Happy Wednesday and happy SITS day!

Amy said...

People who don't 'get' it about the babies, don't have any of their own...and they definitely SHOULD NOT be working where toddlers will be shopping with their parents.

Great post :D

Adrian said...

On the flip side, I went to a restaurant the other day and there was a kid screaming like his throat was cut for like half an hour. Sheesh!

But I feel for ya. Some people are just rude. I have three very well behaved boys and I think it's terrible when people make comments like that. I really enjoy my boys - most of the time!

Brandy said...

Those people are everywhere...thank goodness you have a sense of humor about it because I would have told the bad perm lady to shove it, reported the boy and wrote to OK magazine that is in fact NOT okay to glamorize her pregnancy.

But that's me and how I roll...I have a few anger issues when it comes to rude ass people.

Hot Tub Lizzy said...

I'd be sending a note to the grocery store manager, expressing your thoughts about the cashier boy.

OR

Next time you go in and he's in there, buy ONLY feminine products and then get in his line

Cassandra said...

Heaven forbid there be babies in Baby GAP! You poor thing. I hope you at least gave her a withering glance...

Margaret said...

I hate when strangers think it is ok to make those kind of comments about your kids. Are their kids that perfect? I really hate when it is about your parenting. Where they really perfect parents?

littleeverydaythings said...

Everyone has these kinds of days and runs into these self-absorbed kind of people. I just really want to mess with folks who act like this - i.e. tell my child to cry harder "come on honey, you can cry louder than that." Peverse, I know. Happy SITS Day!

Kaytie said...

Ugh, I know those days.

Saundra@An Italian Mama Gone Crazy said...

I'll just venture to bet all those awful people end up bitter, unfulfilled hags with no wonderful children or grandchildren.

That's my guess.

You, on the other hand, will have a wonderful life filled with love, laughter, accomplishment and gracious children and grandchildren.

You go girl!

a simple seeker said...

You have a brilliant sense of humor. :)

Michele said...

Cute post. Don't you hate days like that? Where's the jerk police when ya need 'em?

Kristy said...

sounds like you had a day like i normally have with my crew of 4. love the letters :D

angie said...

Great letters! Maybe I should do that to get some frustration out!

Becky :) said...

I couldn't have said it better myself.

And by the way, I was a teenage mom and it wasn't the best feeling in the world at first. :-) It was hard but I did it and I love my kids for it. But it irritates me when she goes out of her way to glamorize something that would be so much harder for her without all those millions.

Happy SITS Day.

momto1 said...

Too funny- not your experiences, of course, but the way you write about them. I agree--Apathetic teenage boy works at my store too--and sometimes I sooooo want to smack him!

I totally would've asked that woman for her table at Panera! I am so not patient with selfish people! Happy SITs day!

Joye said...

SITS- this seems like a healthy way to vent at all those who wrong you in those small annoying ways! Love these letters!

wendy said...

AMEN! Very well said.

Happy SITS day!

dddiva said...

Hehe great letters- I am afraid I would have been just a wee bit snarkier... and not necessarily only in my blog. ;)
Enjoy all the comment love.

Finding Normal said...

Hilarious! I don't know which annoys me more--bitter old women or sulky teen checkout boys.
Happy SITS Day!

april kennedy said...

You are hilarious. Happy SITS day!

Lavender n Latt├ęs said...

And I thought I was the only one who had those kind of things happen. I'm so glad I'm not alone! Hilarious post!

andrea said...

Writing letters to people who've "wronged" you is a fabulous cathartic release. Better out than in!!!

mrsbear said...

Those are great. What is it with surly teen cashiers? Really, it's not that tough a job, a little eye contact never killed anyone.

mrsmouthy said...

I don't understand how these things happen at places like Baby Gap. I'd understand if you were at Tiffany's or a china store, but you were in a CHILDREN'S CLOTHING STORE. THERE IS GOING TO BE, FROM TIME TO TIME, A CRYING CHILD OR TWO. People.

Rachael said...

Hilarious! Sometimes it is so good to actually get all that stuff we WANTED to say out in the open!

Casey's trio said...

Thanks for the laughs. I needed that today. Happy SITS day!

Anonymous said...

Takings Our Shady Prices at www.Pharmashack.com, The High-level [b][url=http://www.pharmashack.com]Online Apothecary's [/url][/b] To [url=http://www.pharmashack.com]Buy Viagra[/url] Online ! You Can also Espy Countless Deals When You [url=http://www.pharmashack.com/en/item/cialis.html]Buy Cialis[/url] and When You You [url=http://www.pharmashack.com/en/item/levitra.html]Buy Levitra[/url] Online. We Also Pointer a Superlative Generic [url=http://www.pharmashack.com/en/item/phentermine.html]Phentermine[/url] On account of Your Intake ! We Hawk Officialdom marque [url=http://www.pharmashack.com/en/item/viagra.html]Viagra[/url] and Also [url=http://www.pharmashack.com/en/item/generic_viagra.html]Generic Viagra[/url] !

Anonymous said...

Predilection casinos? inquire this environmental [url=http://www.realcazinoz.com]casino[/url] commander and wing it crop online casino games like slots, blackjack, roulette, baccarat and more at www.realcazinoz.com .
you can also into our untrained [url=http://freecasinogames2010.webs.com]casino[/url] barter something at http://freecasinogames2010.webs.com and prostrate valid gladden !
another late-model [url=http://www.ttittancasino.com]casino spiele[/url] black-and-white is www.ttittancasino.com , in profit german gamblers, invade upon during unrestrained online casino bonus.