I could see your contempt for me and my overflowing cart the moment I darkened your check-out aisle. You offered no pleasantries, just a scowl and a roll of the eyes.
Pardon me, Target Guy, but isn't the whole goal of Target to lure people in under the guise of "just buying diapers" but then, $400 later, your cart is brimming with items you never thought you needed when you entered the store, but just HAD to have the second you spotted them?
I'm pretty sure there are brain wave-altering signals being emitted throughout your stores. Silent signals that change your logical diaper-buying mind into an out-of-control impulse shopper.
No, I never knew I needed the faux mother-of-pearl-handled silverware (enough for 14 people!) until I saw it and someone turned the brain control lasers on me. I also never would have suspected I needed that giant blue glass bowl or turquoise platter. In fact, I didn't realize I was going to completely redo the theme and color of my Thanksgiving table until I entered the store.
So really, Target Guy, I could do without the attitude!
I could tell you hated the sight of the silverware heading toward you on the conveyor belt. "How many?" you snarled.
"Well," I said cheerfully, "fourteen each of spoons, knives and forks."
"HOW MANY?" you snarled again.
This time I wasn't as cheerful. "Fourteen times three," I snipped.
Target Guy, please don't ask me to do math--it's not my strong suit in the first place and to do it while I'm unloading my overfull cart and trying to calm a two year old really just isn't possible.
Speaking of the two year old--I know she was crying--but she wanted her little doll back and she didn't understand what "Just wait one more second until he scans it" means. You see, Target Guy--that meant I needed you to scan it right away so I could give it back to her. Did you notice that she stopped crying when you finally scanned the doll!?!
You may have also noticed that my hand was bleeding in two places. That was because this glass bell jar thing (that I didn't realize I needed until I saw it) started to slip out of my precarious cart and, in saving it, I managed to slice my hand twice.
Oh--one more thing Target Guy--when you rushed me out of your aisle by waving the receipt in my face while I was still struggling to wrangle the stuff into the cart, I hit my shin really hard with the oversized Tupperware wrapping paper container that I didn't realize I needed and now I have a giant bruise.
So, bloodied and bruised, I limped out of your Target--but you know what hurts more, Target Guy? My feelings--because you were just mean!
Your disgruntled customer,
P.S. Rod Stewart called--he wants his hair back!