Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Facebook Dilemma

So I've been Facebookin' for a little while and I mostly like it--I'm in touch with a lot of my old college friends plus newer friends and we do wacky stuff like poke each other (that's Facebook talk!) and send cats and sushi. But it's also been a little depressing--the whole add/ignore friends concept and the rejected/dejected feeling when you're "denied" is not fun.

Loooong story short--I have (I guess had) a really good friend that I have known forever--like since we were six. We were good friends for a million years, but--oh, I'm trying to keep this short-- drifted apart in a weird way. I guess I shouldn't even say drifted, because it was more of a calculated move on her part--she didn't want to be friends with me anymore, not because we got into a fight or anything, but (my theory is anyway) that she had developed a certain way of "being" around me--kind of an insecure persona--and I think she wanted to "reinvent" herself and that meant starting a new circle of friends, etc.

As I said, that's just a theory--maybe she really just hates my guts! I don't think so, though. Anyway, we have had a few brief encounters through the years--a couple of very short emailing stints which she cuts off after two or three emails, a couple of cards sent, and once when we saw each other at a grade school reunion. The whole thing has been strange because we were SUCH good friends (like we talked every day probably for 20-something years!)--so to go from that to a couple of casual emails has been hard.

So when I started up with Facebook, I found her on there and sent a "friend request" but included a little message with it that said she didn't have to be my "friend" if she didn't want to--a no pressure kind of thing--but I wanted to say Hi, etc. Well, she "denied" the request. Ouch! So that was Facebook--Strike One.

Then there's Bret Easton Ellis (you know--the author? American Psycho? Less Than Zero?). We went to college together, though we were not friends--I mean, I sat on the floor with him during the Tale of Genji class and we passed an occasional note--but that was about it! But a lot of my college friends that I have on Facebook were not great pals--just acquaintances. Anyway Ellis said: friendship denied! Facebook--Strike Two.

So that brings me to my current dilemma--and one I need help from my BlogFriends with: I used to date someone who's a celebrity (I guess that's not even an important part of the equation--just makes it a little more interesting!). He's not like Tom Cruise famous or anything--but pretty well-known. And he wasn't my "boyfriend"--we went to movies and dinner and...stuff. But nothing serious.

It's been years and years since I've had any contact with him and, the thing is, I really do like him and think he's super smart and funny--and I would like to be "friends" with him on Facebook--but now I'm scared of the rejection!

So help me decide! Do I send a request and risk the embarrassment of a snub but the possibility of reconnection on Facebook? Is it worth it? I need your help, people!!

I guess from a blogging perspective--an acceptance or a denial could be interesting? Even if I'm humiliated I can blog about it, right?

I'm leaving it in your hands...Thanks in advance!

Photobucket

29 comments:

DysFUNctional Mom said...

I don't understand why anyone would deny a friend request. Unless they're posting extremely personal stuff that they don't want you to see, it just seems mean!
I think you should do it. And if he denies you, try not to take it personally! Good luck!

Dee said...

Go for it! I dont have many facebook friends myself, but I understand the rejection feeling, my best friend from primary school is there , I sent a message but not a friend request, she replied to the message... her profile is private so not sure if she would "accept" me, brings back all those clique feelings!

Jennifer said...

Yeah--it is mean! I don't think there's personal stuff--I think it's just a snub.

I didn't realize you could send a message w/out a freind request--maybe I should have done it that way w/ my ex-friend and saved the humiliation!

oº˚ Queen Bee ˚ºo said...

I say go for it because if you don't you will be wondering what if! People can be so funny that is why I love blogger I have met so many nice ladies and made some blog friendships. I have no friends where i live except my sister-in-law and we just chat not hang out. I have washed my hands with the whole friend thing because I'm tired of people taking about you and thinking they are better, I don't care what they say or that they talk about me, Just can't stand it, that so high school and i'm 35 and not need that crap. Just wish all you ladies lived around me so we could hang out. Much Love

Z's Mom said...

Yeah, I honestly don't get these people. Its their loss. It does seem weird.

I would go ahead and send a request to the famous guy.....if he says no...blog about him....call him out...I'll say something bad about one his movies (or whatever he's done)...

I think you and your family are AWESOME! If these people can't see it....then that is their loss.

On a side note, I wish we did live closer to each other so Pickle and Z could have playdates with french fries.....

Miss Blondie said...

I have facebook and hate getting denied...so i never deny anybody. I'm usually flattered that they want to be my friend.

I think you should go ahead and friend him. And whether he accepts or denies, at least you'll never have to wonder, what if?. Keep us updated!

Kori said...

I say go for it. Why not? I mean your married and have some of the cutest kiddos ever. I say if they deny you it's totally their loss.

Jennifer said...

Aw, you guys are all so nice! We'll have to arrange a big get-together at some point. Maybe the next BlogHer? Wouldn't that be fun?

Hmmmm--seems like the consensus is to do the request?

Kendrawolf said...

Hey Jen, I'm on Facebook. I'll be your friend.

Teresa said...

Ok, isn't anyone going to ask who it is, or do you all already know?????

I think it's just mean to deny someone. I do have a few people lingering on my friend request page, but I didn't deny anyone. Ouch.

Good luck, Jen!

Kendrawolf said...

Go for it. I request all the time and it's interesting to see what happens.

Lori said...

No. Do not do it. Use that time to take lots more pictures of Pickle and post them on your blog. ;)

Jo-Jo said...

I like the whole Myspace world better myself, I do both but it seems for some reason or another I find people their easier!

I was denied once by an old working Buddie and it broke my heart but for some reason or another,he had a change of heart and requested me!

Another thing that happened to me was a connection with a girl I went to school with. We knew each other but wasn't great friends or anything. We connected and she even threw my baby shower!

So what I am saying (in a long sort of way) is request him! It can't hurt anything and if he denies you...IT IS HIS LOSS!

Kori said...

Bah, just ignore the whole thing and tell US who it is. No, really, I think I would do it, but at the same time not expcet anything. I would imagine people like that have SO many people coming out of the woodwork that it isn't really personal, just-too much. As for your friend? Let it go; she obviously has major issues and is being intentionally cruel, which is so, well, high school. I am sorry it hurts, because of course it does, but I really think she is the one hurting.

CaraBee said...

People are so weird. I mean, it's not like by accepting someones invitation to be a "friend" you are making a major commitment. I am not on Facebook, but I can see how attractive it is and would be just as hurt if old friends denied me. As far as the famous guy, nothing ventured nothing gained, right? Worse case scenario, he says no and you have blog fodder.

noble pig said...

That woman probably has all sorts of lies about herself on her Facebook, ones that you would know the truth too so she doesn't want you there!

And just try it with the guy, don't even take it personally if he snubs you, his loss.

Jaime said...

ITA - I think you should go for it with your friend request! I would!

Belle said...

I say go for it...I've denied a couple of people but only because I have no earthly idea who they are. NEVER heard of 'em and I'm not comfortable with that. If the people you try to "friend" don't cooperate then it's their loss!

Jennifer said...

Well, it sound like most everyone thinks I should do it! Except Lori--she was the one dissenting voice!

Meanwhile, I've done kind of a stupid thing--I read a political thing that he wrote and disagreed w/ him and commented on it. He won't know who I am based on the comment, but I also said something dumb about Facebook--I hope I didn't ruin it!

Anyway--thanks for all the help and I'll keep you guys posted!

Kelly said...

You've gotten a ton of great advise and I don't have anything to add except I agree with them!!

amelia bedelia said...

I won't deny you!! You poor thing! send me an email so we can "poke" each other. sorry, that sounded bad.

amelia bedelia said...

oh, sorry, i forgot to answer your question. Yes, I think you should see if he will accept you....and it's really just because I want to know who it is, since you left that really important part out of your post!

Rebecca said...

it does have a slightly playground mean feel to it when poeple don't accept your friend request. But i think at the end of the day you don't want to be friends with someone who doesn't want to be your friend right? go on friend the famous guy, you've got nothing to lose really.

Karen said...

I'm joining the go for it crowd !!

I don't get the whole rejection thing either. I have a facebook account, but rarely use it. Perhaps I should take another look at it.

My sentiments are very much like Jen's. I'm really fed up with thinking I've made friends with someone IRL, then having it blow up in my face.

My Semblance of Sanity said...

He would be a fool not to "be-friend" you!

Go for it!

Who is it??!

My Semblance of Sanity said...

Let's be facebook friends!!
Michelle Kemper Brownlow

Send me the request!
I will ACCEPT IT!

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