Thursday, January 15, 2009

Frigid Nightmare

I'm supposed to be at my watercolor class right now...but I'm not there.

Want to guess why?

No, that's not it.

Nope--that's not it either!

I'll give you a hint--I think I might have frostbite in my right hand and both feet.

If you guessed "You were outside in the sub-zero wind chill, knee-high in the snow trying to saw out a newspaper that was wedged inside the snowblower" you're a winner!

That's right, I was getting ready to head out to my class and Don wanted to give the driveway a "quick blow" (because it NEVER stops snowing here and I don't think it ever will!!). A few minutes later, he came back in all crazy-like saying that he needed help. So I put on my furry coat and my Ugg boots and went out to assist.

The stupid newspaper (which I couldn't find this morning because it was buried in snow) had been sucked up by the blower and, instead of being shredded by the blade, managed to totally lodge between the blade and the side of the machine preventing the blade from moving.

Don was furious that his blowing had been interrupted and was swearing and clawing at the newspaper. This paper was wedged so tightly that it absolutely wouldn't budge and the addition of the moisture from the snow had melded it into a hard, almost brick-like consistency.

Since clawing and tugging wasn't working, Don got a screwdriver and tried repeatedly stabbing at it. Periods of stabbing were followed by turning the engine back on to see if the blades would start turning again.

They wouldn't.

Did I mention that it's sub-zero here?

Then I had the brilliant (?) idea of getting a saw and trying to shred up the paper that way. So we spent the next hour or so taking turns hunching over and sawing at the snowblower. Meanwhile, Don said the "F word" about ten thousand times.

At one point, Don threatened to "burn the paper away" which I was immediately opposed to, but he went in and got some matches anyway. Before he even thought it through, he lit a match and started bringing it towards the paper, but I screamed at the top of my lungs because the snowblower just reeks of gasoline and it probably would have gone off like a bomb if the paper had started burning. I shudder to think...

I also shudder to think what the neighbors must think if they saw--or even heard--us out there. The screaming and the swearing and the sawing! Oh my!

So we continued with the sawing and the stabbing until all the visible parts of the paper were gone. But it was still hopelessly stuck.

Tomorrow I'm going to call a blower repair place--which is probably what we should have done in the first place.

Meanwhile, I'm typing this with my left hand and my resolutions are all screwed up!
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25 comments:

DysFUNctional Mom said...

Yikes, what a fiasco! I'm glad he didn't blow y'all up though.

Ronda's Rants said...

Oh my ...who could imagine such a thing? I can't imagine it!
I watched The Day after tomorrow here last night (I love Dennis Quaid) and I woke up to about 20 degrees...in Florida! It was 80 degrees here two days ago! The news said it was from Canada...I am off to complain to Rhonda!
I hope you are okay...You can start again tomorrow with your resoloutions...be well!

Erin, Nick and Merrick said...

"In late breaking news: A home that was recently placed on the market was burned down by its owners and a snowblower--- more at 11.."

Missy said...

What a sight I bet you guys were! I wonder what your neighbors were thinking - "Um, hon, he has a saw! And now he is stabbing it with a screwdriver. We might need to call the police. Um, hon, call the Fire Dept, he just came out with some matches!!!"

Seriously, though I hope you are alright.

sandi said...

OMG that was a great! I am cracking up! I am so glad it was you and not me. I do NOT miss the WINTER! NOT ONE LITTLE BIT!

Shannon said...

OMGosh! Snowblower nightmare is right. Yikes!

Hope you're ok!

Susie said...

What a nightmare!! I am really starting to hate winter!!

Marilyn said...

First, I have to tell you how much I love that your husbands name is Don.
That is my favorite man name and there just aren't enough Don's in the world today.

Ok, I'm really glad you didn't ignoite the snow blower.
I'm seeing Chevy Chase, Christmas Vacation and the sewer drain.

I hope for you that the snow quits soon, although I hear talk that now global warming is passe' and we are heading into a new "ice age".

Stay warm :)

Jo-Jo said...

"The screaming and the swearing and the sawing! Oh my!" - Sounds like a back of a good horror book.

Jen B. said...

OMG! I'm glad you're all ok & didn't blow anything up! What a disaster! Hopefully you'll thaw out & the blower gets fixed soon!

Ashley said...

Oh, my! If only to be a fly on the wall, or snow, or whatever.... I bet ya'll were a sight to see!

noble pig said...

Holy Crap, you couldn't make this up. That's insane and I hope you are all right. What weather you are having...as I sit here in my short sleeves. Geez, that's quite the story.

Rebecca Jo said...

Oh my goodness!!! The visuals I have in my mind... & the language I hear in my ears... (wink!)

Brenda said...

I'm glad you all are ok, but the mental picture I have right now is just way too funny! It is 59° out right now & I have the heat on - yah, I really am a Floridian!

Leon Basin said...

Hey, how are you doing? Hope all is well. I love your blog.

Butterfly Kisses said...

I don't know if you meant it to be but that was hilarious. I love the way you write. I always feel like I'm right there when it happened. And good call on not letting him use that match. Yikes. This whole fiasco sounds just like me and my husband.

Allison said...

Oh, I am sorry about your dilemna! I hope you're all warmed up by now!

I gave you an award, so come on over and grab it!

Again, thanks for all your prayers and concern these past few weeks. I really appreciate it!

CaraBee said...

Sure it's miserable, but now you have a great story! And really, who needs all those fingers?

Kristin said...

Damn snow blowers. Careful those things are dangerous. Hope that it warms up soon.

Jen said...

yeah, I think that water color class would have been the better choice. ;)

Mrs4444 said...

What a PAIN! I would just take it into the house to thaw a bit more (the basement, maybe?)

Just popped by, having been intrigued by your aVI in someone's comment section :) Nice to meet you :)

kathy said...

OMGoodness! What a horrible chore. I hope you are rested and recuperating well.

Z's Mom said...

Ok, that's funny and its not!!!

You totally should not have been out there that long. I was 0 degrees today....and its probably colder where you are......that just sucks! I hope your fingers and toes are all okay!!!

Jenni Jiggety said...

Well crapple! That is no way to spend an evening! I hope they can fix it!

mrsmouthy said...

I'm more like your husband. Swear a lot; give up; swear some more...